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thats what iam doing right now and listening to eric benet sing my damn song. I love this song that last time i was singing it and the huggeth was sitting right where iam talking about sing baby sing it to me.� I guess he was suprised I could sing considering he says I dont sound like Iam�black. Iam giving him too much� air time huggeth that is. Kyle is what I want, he loves me and I love him too. He told me earlier that he loved me of� course he expected me to reciprocate but I didnt want to. I guess he needs to be reassured, which is normal. This is repetitve but damn Iam so happy with him I mean us. bout to play my song once more and chat with him at the same time.� Iam feeling so happy cant remember when I laughed or smile, I am not laying on the couch contemplating suicide or wondering why god allowed me to suffer so much. since I came back from ny I feel revived, I was so fragmented.� He is so nasty, the shit� that� he is saying right now is triple xrated. and I love it all.

Sunday Nov 28 2008. Start trying InboxJournal.com

When I went to the bus station to� visit "kyle", the huggeth dropped me off near the station. He was pissed off telling me how dare I ask him to take me to my boyfriends house. I assured him this wasnt the case, he got sour� and told me I just call him when I want something. such a hypocrite what about the times when wants to hug me have me lay in harms what about that shit? I guess he mad cause he is aware that someone else is on the scene. I feel like this, what we had we had.� Which was over ten years ago. Wish we could have been friends but he wouldnt allow that to happen. Everytime he would try to take it to another level always promising to marry me. I got tired of hearing that shit. Maybe he thought I would fuck him, but I could never forget his� scathing rebuke when I was raped. He blamed me, told me I deserved it.� Anytime after that I could never be with him, if I tried shit would fall apart. He made me feel cheap and dirty I would soak and scrape any prescence of him off of my body. He always makes it a point to tell me that Iam easy, I dont agree though. I dont fuck everyone I encounter, he says Iam too friendly. Whatever that means, it was clear he was pissed last night when I told him I went to nyc to see someone� and had a wonderful time. He is only content if Iam miserable, he always says no one wants me all they want is sex. My ex use to say the same shit, my brain needs to be reprogrammed or else it will spell disaster for�my current relationship. I dont want� bring that baggage�with me.� He is waiting for this shit to come crashing down but it wont not this time. Yes I have said that before but this is different said that too. but it is different because� Iam not controlling the flow of things my heart and kyle are. Iam not holding anything back this time around. I am going to jump out the damn window and just free fall with this one. He and I could never work anyway because there is so much about me he didnt like starting with my personality, Iam too white. Im sarcastic, I like doing things my way, dont like to be hounded and touched constantly. Always made to feel that whatever I do or say it isnt right. He always critiques me from the way I raise my kids, how I cook, what I cook� the list is endless. I always knew with him I could never measure up unless I did exaclty as told.

What is the good way to live life? the good way is to go outside and have some fun! have u evr heard of parkour? if not search it on youtube...its pretty cool. but anyways go outside and learn how to do a backflip...or play golf...or something like that....have some fun but dont get hurt! lol that would be kinda bad. but anyways ya go have some real fun...! ya ok bye

上海弄堂里的女人们生活有道: 身在小弄堂, 胸怀大上海; 用脑洗打烧, 用心美骄柔.�